creative writing; Donnie Darko

The boy looked up at his teacher showing a mixture of arrogance and disinterest. His face was slightly tilted downwards, eventually heading upwards to reach eye contact with his feminine teacher, his neck was in a sluggish position – it hurt. It was unusual, not very normal Donnie Darko, she could tell something was wrong in his world, something was pondering his mind. His eyes simply hung out of their sockets, bored, not interested and the bags on his face were clear  – very clear – they were just about supporting his eyes from underneath, so something was definitely on his mind.

Yeah?” His voice sounded as if he had heard the question more then he could actually take it in.

Donnie, what are your thoughts on the kids burning all the money?” Miss asked him.

He liked his teacher, not the kind of like where the other kids thought that he was a teacher’s pet or, whether they thought the teacher had a favourite student, and especially not the like where he had a desire on her. His mind worked effortlessly to find a suitable answer, which had some relation to what he was in deeply thinking. Gladly, Donnie had found a reply; even to some short extent surprised himself, but he knew arrogance is a sign of intelligent. Donnie raised his head then shoulders, his eyes twitched suddenly as they made contact with the sun’s gleaming rays. He sat upright on his chair; looking around while stretching his upper body. Miss Redhead was walking back and fro her classroom.

Knock. Knock.Knock.

 


Posted

in

by

Tags:

Comments

One response to “creative writing; Donnie Darko”

  1. jnorth Avatar
    jnorth

    Moniem,

    You have really taken on showing rather than telling. You have made a clear focus on body language and facial expression.

    Targets:
    Always re-read and edit your expression. Look at your second paragraph, the phrase ‘where he had a desire on her’ – this would flow better as ‘he desired her’. Where might you be able to cut words and improve your syntax?

    Begin to focus on visual clues within the MES that will help to show your character’s mood/personality.

    Thanks,

    Mr North

React!